Grimm's Survival Guide: Clothes

Just a few short tips on apocalyptic fashion - 'cause I know it's what you all are gonna be thinking about when the world is spinning into a flaming mob of zombies:

A dramatic long cloak may look cool, but you may rethink that when you realise the large possibility of a zombie horde dragging you backwards into their grizzly waiting hands. Keep it tough and close. Leather is good. So is Kevlar. Unfortunately Kevlar’s a little harder to come across. So find some good leather or jeans. Sleeves can be either good or bad – claws can become hooked in them, but it might just be what stops you from getting slashed.
I don’t recommend wearing those stilettos you bought yourself for Christmas last year either. Wear some good sturdy, steel-cap boots like Dr Martins or some flexible running shoes. Remember the school kitchen rules. Knives dropped on soft shoes will slice your toes off.
Spent ages cultivating that gorgeous long hair? You should probably ruin all that hard work and cut it off straight away. Short hair means less to grab onto and rip off your scalp. Keep your hair out of your eyes, the zombies aren’t going to wait for you to fix your hair and get your fringe away enough to kill the zombie in front of you or fire your gun.
Long nails and earrings are bad. Both can easily be ripped out in a fight or a scramble for your life. One of the most important rules is to avoid pain. The pain from getting your nails ripped out will be nothing compared to having your intestines ripped out when you couldn’t hold the sword for the pain. So, avoid long nails. If you’re really fussy, when you get a couple of hour’s zombie free time, perhaps you could paint them.
Backpacks are better than shoulder bags. Keep it light and only full of useful stuff; ammunition, food and bandages.

 
I'll try to make more with the funny next week with the chapter 'Keeping your Head...quarters'

Grimms Apocalypse Guide: Weapons Part II

  Now sheathing. Check out the Clothing chapter – belts are advised. This is because they also make good knife holders. I suggest finding and equipping as many weapons as you can without hindering movement or fighting. And when you’ve fully supplied everyone in your group {see Party Members and Groups) then stock everything you can fit into your vehicle. If you’ve already made your HQ, then see if you can bring everything there. And don’t ever forget ammunition. The big gun may be pretty, but it’s the bullets that do the damage. Now if you have made your HQ, and you’re pretty sure zombies can’t read {see zombie tests) then leave a note leading the way to your HQ. That is, if you’re looking for extra members. And, make the note easy to find. People in a hurry to save themselves won’t look on top of the windowsill or under the cushions of a couch. It’s time to grab out that handy can of spray paint and do some serious vandalism. The shop owners probably won’t mind. The only thing you have to think about is what kind of people you’re going to attract. So think it through – if you want to save people, then go out and look for survivors. The ones in the gun shop might only want to rob and kill you rather than stay and fight with you. Remember with a new world comes a new set of rules. People will think that because they can kill zombies, they can kill humans too  - I mean, they’re going to die anyway. You want to avoid these people. Also, avoid giving them weapons.
  Now we’ve talked about the serious things people automatically categorise under weapons. But if you run down to your tool box or shed, there are a couple of things that can probably tide you over until you get some proper stabbity-rip-stab-stab stuff.
 That nail gun is brilliant if its battery powered. But only for as long as you have a charged battery. Still, it’s better than nothing, only you don’t want to run out of battery or nails on the middle of a fight. Keep well supplied. That crow bar is also good –not to mention silent. Garden shears, long shafted axes and hammers, or even a plank of wood with some nails hammered into the end of it. This also works with cricket bats.

Okay people, enjoy your weekend -
       Grimm